If you have tried many times to change your marriage and or your partner and have failed, you have probably given up. I fully understand, however, I would like to suggest the following. What do you do when you bake a cake and a recipe doesn’t work and the cake keeps flopping? Do you stop baking or do you try another recipe? You try a different recipe! And with that, I don’t mean try a different spouse. Unless a person is wearing a diaper, you cannot change him. It is easier and more fruitful to work on oneself.
I have received numerous testimonies of women who felt stuck and unhappy with no hope of ever enjoying their married life again. After applying a few simple tools each week they were hooked. After having tasted the fruit, they are convinced that it works.
Let’s look at the basics. Every single human being has 3 basic needs:
We all want to be accepted for who we are. We want to feel significant, and we definitely want to feel secure. Let’s look at acceptance a little closer.
One of the reasons people criticize each other is that they can see something the other one doesn’t see. It’s called a blind spot. I don’t support criticism and faultfinding at all, but it does prove my point. I’m sure most of us have driven in traffic and accidentally almost crashed into someone whilst changing lanes (even if you have checked the rear view mirrors to see if there were any cars). The reason you didn’t see the car was because it was in your “blind spot”. In our day to day lives, we also have these blind spots that we just cannot see and are totally oblivious to.
May I suggest a lens change? Maybe you need to change the way you see yourself and others. It might be that you are looking through tainted lenses. Lenses of hurt, disappointment, resentment or even anger? May I suggest that instead, you look at yourself and others through God’s lens. He has a very different way of seeing things. He sees in perspective and out of time limitations. He sees potential and changes. Healing and freedom. He sees the end from the beginning and knows exactly when and where the healing and changes begin.
How about we let Him be the judge and trust Him to be fair.
Consider these questions:
Have I ever felt the need to improve myself in an area (without pressure from anyone)?
Do I need to consider other people’s feelings?
Are there areas where I know I need to change?
Am I perfect?
To find the tools I refer to which will bring positive changes to yourself and your relationships, see the Art of Womanhood online Cyber Class link.